Parenting a child who spent months/years in an orphanage seems to require a totally different type of parenting than that of a birth child. Back when my daughter was placed in my arms 11 years ago, there really wasn’t a lot of information about "attachment parenting." Over the years, however, some really good books and internet sites have been written and I’ll list some of my favorites in just a minute.

First, here are some ways that I helped to foster the attachment/bonding for my daughter and what worked for us:

1. I held my daughter as much as possible and for as long as possible. She was 18 months old (but size/developmentally more like a 6 month old) but I treated her as an infant and I held her and I rocked her constantly. I remember still carrying her around even when she was 4 and 5 years old!
2. The only time I left my daughter was when I had to go to the office to work, and then I only left her with my mom. No other caregivers. When I wasn’t at work, I took my daughter with me just about everywhere (and still do)!
3. I fed her and held her bottle while maintaining eye contact. I smiled and laughed with her a lot. (We’re still smiling and laughing)!
4. I made sure my daughter fell asleep snuggled beside me every night.
5. We took mom/child swim lessons together and that was a lot of fun!
6. We joined Gymboree, the music and movement program that allows total parent involvement in each fun class. We made friends and had a great time in that program. (Unfortunately, children age out at around 5.…I wish there were more programs that provided parent/child participation well beyond age 5).
7. Even now, when we’re out and about, I still hold my daughter’s hand or touch her shoulder the majority of the time. This helps reinforce for her that we are a forever family no matter what!
8. I have tried to remove as much stress from our lives as possible and to this day I still try to keep our lives calm, secure, fun, upbeat, and positive!

Other books I like:

Adoptive Parenting From the Ground Up by Katie Sharp is a small book packed full of extremely wonderful information for parents in the waiting process to receive their child in addition to those who have had their child for years. The book can be ordered from Katie’s website:

Another book that I found realistic and I am thankful to have in my collection is Toddler Adoption – The Weaver’s Craft  and it was written by Mary Hopkins-Best. It can be ordered from www.amazon.com.

Websites I have found extremely valuable over the years:

A Forever Family  I wish every adoptive parent, both waiting and with their child already home, could take the time to read every article and every link on the www.a4everfamily.com website.  It is a true representation of challenges many families adopting from the international orphanages experience.